Energy Drink Review: Monster Rehab Tea + Lemonade

What is this? Is it an Energy Drink? Is it Tea? Is it Lemonade?

Much like this concoction, I can’t seem to make up my mind. It’s a Monster drink, but it’s not filled with the ingredients that makes one uncomfortably energetic. In fact, drinking this one on a Wednesday may’ve been a bad, bold move in the wrong direction for me. It was undoubtedly refreshing, even if the tea aspect made me race like a piss horse some time after consumption.

How undignified…

Oh, it’s you again. Wait, you’re not yelling this time.

I’m too damn tired to yell. How am I even typing this?

Why are you even here? Do you have anything to contribute this time?

Yes, I do. This drink IS refreshing. It is sitting on the white porch or veranda, wearing overalls and a straw hat, on a summer day kind of refreshing.

Well, that’s quite the image you’ve just painted. We’re we not driving to work while drinking this stuff? I seem to recall we were. I also seem to recall it was more of a Lemonade in flavour than a tea. The tea was there, but not as strong. More of an after-taste really.

The lemonade was the refreshing part. Who the hell drinks tea on a veranda?

Just about anyone that would have a veranda, I imagine.

I was painting a mental picture here of the level of refreshing. Jeez, don’t you understand metaphors and such? 

Whatever. Let’s move on, shall we?

As mentioned, the flavour of this particular Monster is somewhat interesting; it being definitely lemonade, and not quite a tea. That brings us to the other factor at play here. This drink is from their REHAB line, which is decidedly not energy drink-like. The marketable idea behind this drink is that it’s for rehabilitation. It’s meant to be refreshing. It’s meant to rehydrate the drinker. It’s meant to be a different kind of awesome.

And for the most part it is.

Except for the fact that we were super exhausted hours later after consuming. That was a new kind of golgotha, in case you forgot. 

No, I didn’t. And that’s likely because of the different ingredients in this one. Instead of guarana and taurine, they load this one up with other things, like garcinia camboga. That’s supposed to be some sort of appetite suppressant/weight loss thing. Which, as far as I’m concerned, makes no sense whatsoever. You’d think that you’d want to avoid suppressing your appetite if you’re trying to rehydrate. (Note: they still put taurine in it, it just seems to have less of an effect on me without the other stuff).

Are we going to rate this one?

Sure, why not. I give it a 3.5 out of 5.  It’s good, but not good enough for me to go back for multiple cans. It’s more like an option for an occasional change-up or treat, instead of a reliable energy drink.

I agree wholeheartedly.

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