Why I hate Twitter and how I excel at posting to it.

There are a lot of people out there that claim themselves to be some sort of amazing thing when it comes to Twitter. Truth be told, a lot of people out there, kinda are. The reality of claims, however do not necessarily reflect the truth (being amazing at twitter), and I suppose the vice-versa applies as well.

I also might as well put it out there – just because you have thousands of followers, doesn’t mean you’re good at Twitter. There are a lot of people out there that like stupid things – you can easily be one of those stupid things. 

Now, I am not an expert or guru but I know how to do a few things some what well with Twitter. One of them is, not being a total jackass. And by that, I mean that crazy Australian bird that’s really loud and obnoxious and is often sampled for movies with jungle warfare scenes.

The idea with twitter is to tweet. NOT TO HOOP AND HOLLER.

Obviously, the aforementioned is a small part of why I hate twitter.  The big reason that makes me hate twitter is the following

ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY CHARACTERS

I am not sure why 140 characters was chosen. If I was told, then I forgot, because it’s largely unimportant. Sure, I can look it up, that’s what Google is for, no? But the reality is, Twitter is 140 characters. A stinking, lousy one hundred and forty characters. #Ugh! #yeesh! #ergh!! #omg #lame #fmlicbc…

That last one is “**** my life, i can’t be concise”

And that’s what it all boils down to. Conciseness. I struggle with it at the best of times. But on twitter… I am a g-d pro… Seriously. I am not claiming this on my own. I have had a few mention how good I am at it. Sadly, as I write this, I must claim that I only have 70 followers. But hey… quality over quantity, right?

So, how I excel at posting stuff to twitter.

1) Hate the fact that you are limited to 140 characters and make the best of it.

It’s kinda that simple. 140 doesn’t leave you much room, so make the best of it. As a student, my teachers have droned on about the need for being concise. Yeah, yeah. I get it.  Wait, no I don’t. I struggle every assignment to be concise. I struggle with avoiding the words IS and THAT. They are shit words. The word “that”, in most cases, is a superfluous joining word that can be taken out of most sentences. Or better yet. The word “that”, in most cases, joins words in a sentence in a superfluous manner. Sure, See what I did there? I didn’t use IS or THAT. Why? Because they suck. 

So, whenever I write a status update for twitter, i contend with the fact that I have to make it as succinct as possible. I can’t be entirely sure if any of my followers really care what I say, but I am sure they appreciate that I do it well. 

As i said… I hate twitter and I hate the 140 character limit – but I work within that constraint and do the best I can with it. [WARNING: STAR WARS ANALOGY] Kinda like how Luke Skywalker was able to best Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi. Vader was taunting Luke, Luke chops off his evil dad’s hand and the emperor starts laughing. Next thing you know, Vader is thinking “wait, this old guy lied to me all those years ago. this kid is my son. Screw this guy! I’m throwing him down this never-ending shaft!” 

or in twitterspeak:

Darth Vader @Emperor lied about me killing my wife. I didn’t. SOB is gonna pay with his life! Hello open endless energy shaft. #revenge

For the record… that’s 137 characters without the quotation marks. 

Having just abused Star Wars with that analogy, i am no curious as to what the trilogy would be like if re-written twitter-style. It certainly would make C3P0’s parts more tolerable and sadly, R2D2 and Chewbacca’s parts more confusing. 

2) Don’t waste your time with shit words and abbreviations. If you have to abbreviate anything, you’re losing credibility right away and worse than that, you set yourself up to look like a fool. 

3) Engage others… oh wait. That’s the part I still fail at. On second thought, I only have 2 tips for you.

 

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